My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
