...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
