dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
