I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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