I'm going to rape someone's good day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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