Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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