the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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