it wasn't lemon gatorade
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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