im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
