It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
