What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
