good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
