Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
