i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
