I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
