I CAN MOONWALK!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
