Your tits are I can't wait for
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
