you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
