Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
