Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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