I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Randomize
