Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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