Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
