Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
