His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
