I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
