I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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