Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
