I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
