Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
there is glitter all over my balls
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