so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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