I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
