They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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