Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
