I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Are my feet made of real feet?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
