someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
