Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
