He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
