my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
