i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
