a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
