call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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