hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
