Old men and throwing up are my life now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
