I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
