Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
