took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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