I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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