she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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