i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
