bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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