It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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