it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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